Batteries Not Included

Archive for May, 2012

Confessions of a BBQ Widow on Memorial Day Weekend.

Yes! This is a test. Is This a BBQ?
How about this?
Well depending on who you’re married to, your answer will be different. All across America this weekend, men are taking up charcoal, refilling propane tanks and, in the case of my beloved, well let’s call him Rib-Rack Rich, like they do at the Smokersmeetings.
You see…with a rack you can cook lots MORE ribs! Ten times what you and your company can possibly eat…which is then taken to his job on a railroad ramp and used to feed the masses! He’s thinking of taking up golf and I’m encouraging him because I think a country club membership would be cheaper! Not only do you have to buy a massive amount of meat each time, sometimes you’ve taken your extra smoker(s) up to your cabin and will be dragging your wife off to the local Traeger dealer to buy another VERY expensive toy because you can’t fit 9 racks of ribs, a full briket, and 2 ducks purchased in Chinatown by the neighbor who is his cohort in crime…on the one giant BIG TEX grill he has.

No…he doesn’t have the one pictured above yet, but he will, I have faith! See why I encourage golf?

On the plus side, once the meat is on the grill (and the cursing of preparation over) he’s in smoky nirvana all day long. Blissed out with a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other. And of course all I have to do is clean the house for the company he’s invited and make all the side dishes. Then serve, try to minimize the bones the dogs get so they aren’t bound up all week, and clean up. Yep, nirvana for me too…well, I do like him happy!
Here’s my rib roast recipe: Take a boneless or bone in rib roast, 7-9 pounds and bring to room temperature. Wipe dry and rub with a misture of salt, garlic and pepper. Place in smoker and cook at 200 degrees for approximately 4 hours or until an instant read thermometer reads 116 degrees, baste with olive oil approximately every hour to keep from drying out. Preheat oven to 450 and as soon as roast is at temp, place in oven and turn off the heat. Let sit without opening oven door for 40 minutes. This will create a crisp outside and juicy interior, medium rare finish! It’s really my favorite thing we smoke, but all kidding aside, he’s an incredible BBQ chef and the neighbors come running as soon as they smell the smoke! I’m a griller…but he swears only a smoker is a real BBQ. And with his fan club, I must defer to him.

In an hour or so he’s dragging me off to buy that next smoker…his eyes spinning in opposite directions, a silly grin on his face. So happy. Tomorrow, he’ll be hung over, he’s already told me he can’t take me to see MIBIII until Monday, because of that.

And I don’t care what he says…he can chop the feet off his own ducks! He used to hunt them for heavens’ sake…!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend all…and if your husband is a hardworking veteran like mine, indulge his whims! He deserves a little fun.

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Gale Force Passion


What to do when your fiancé dumps you for a bimbo, right before a vacation of a lifetime to a luxurious Bahamas couples resort? If you’re lucky, like Terese, the reservations clerk can refer you to another resort, even nicer, and suggests you contact the fabulous Madame Eve at 1Night Stand—for a replacement date!

David is Terese’s date. Very tall, ebony dark and handsome, he’s also starting to yearn for more connection than career has allowed. After years of working at various resorts, he can settle in and enjoy his position as Castillo Resorts’ newest manager right in his native Bahamas.

Add in a hurricane with a sudden change in course, and David and Terese may have a more exciting date than either of them planned. In more ways than one.


The Virgin and the Playboy

Julie, accidental virgin, has waited longer than she ever planned to lose her virginity and join everyone else she knows in dating reality. Embarrassed at her plight, she has made arrangements with 1NightStand.com to meet with a handsome stranger for one night of no commitment required sexuality, without having to admit she’d never made love before.

Mark is the one single guy left in his group of friends. As such, he is known for the bevy of lovelies he dates, and his stories of wild exploits between the sheets. His participation in 1NightStand.com is on a dare, and he has no idea that his date is…less experienced than he is used to. And so much more…

When they enter the penthouse suite in Las Vegas, they enter a chamber designed for luxury and booked for a 1NightStand.